Poetry - My prison without walls

My Prison of Depression

by Julie Richards

I am behind a wall with no windows and no doors.

I feel trapped and helpless.

But inside this prison, I am safe,

from the outside world,

And their destructive words and actions,

which threatens to destroy me.

There is no one in this prison, except for the prisoner (me)  

and the jailer(me)

Life in this prison is not pleasant.

The only company is the jailer,

She is very cruel.

She taunts me with self-criticisms.

Thus the isolation starts as a place of safety 

but soon becomes a place of torture.

And the depression begins.

Inside this prison, there is a massive wall,

separating me from the outside world.

I reach out for help.

But the barrier intervenes.

I take a step forward.

But there is nowhere to go.

There are no windows.

There are no doors.

People are reaching out to me.

I can hear them, but I cannot touch.

Loneliness and fear shut them out.

My fears of being hurt again result in me being alone.

I must live my life with this fear of growing old,

unwanted and unloved

and being on my own.

I have grown up with this barrier against other people,

stopping me getting too close.

I have this powerful feeling that if I let the barrier down,

I will be swirled away in a destructive flood of emotions.

I cannot risk letting down my wall and discover

what it would be like in an intimate relationship.

It could be a relationship where I float in a flood of joyful emotions with no barriers.

A flood where  I float in bliss, happiness, and love.

Not as I do now feel only fear,  helplessness, and sorrow.

I grew up loving my parents, and fearing them a little.

They disappointed me, hurt, betrayed and abandoned me.

Now I feel afraid to love completely,

I must protect myself from ever feeling this hurt again.

If I don't protect myself who will protect me.

So a life of isolation is what is in store for me.

I need to start digging a tunnel to get out of this hell hole,

 to escape the darkness and find the light.

I have to stop blaming myself, for my family being like barbwire 'untouchable'

It is not my fault my mother was misguided, mistaken and confused.

Or my fault my father abandoned me and died.

I know once I accept this I will find the light.

Free to live and love.

The first time in my life.

I was twenty-one when I wrote this poem.

Julie Richards

I have posted it here in the raw format as I wrote with no changes.




You are confined by the walls you build yourself.

A Poem - Speak to us of children by Kahlil Gibran

“Speak To Us Of Children”
by Poet, Philosopher Kahlil Gibran 1883 – 1931
video created by Mary Robinson Reynolds and Craig Reynolds

And a woman who held her babe against her bosom said:
“Speak to us of children!”

And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you, but not from you, And though they are with you, Yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love,
But not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls.
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward, Nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow which flies,
So He loves also the bow which is stable.

- See more at: http://www.videosmotivational.com/best-clips/parenting-and-family-videos/speak-to-us-of-children-by-kahlil-gibran/#sthash.QhhqB1kc.dpuf




http://www.videosmotivational.com/best-clips/parenting-and-family-videos/speak-to-us-of-children-by-kahlil-gibran/