Me,Myself and I

My photo
Aberdare, South Wales, United Kingdom
I am a seeker of the truth. Honesty & Integrity are very important to me. I am a student of life who Loves to learn from Life and friends. I live by a system of values and honorable principles. I am a harmony seeking idealist. I am keen to understand others,and what makes them tick.I seek ways to improve my mental ability.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Children grow up so fast!

I hope my children look back on today and see parents who had time to play.


Dusting and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow
for babies grow fast  we learn to our sorrow.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking
but children grow up when we are not looking.
So settle down cobwebs and dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Due to technology, Television, internet, game consoles, Our children are exposed to much adult information. They are no longer kept pure and simple. Should they be exposed to all this at such a young age? 'The truth is rarely pure, and never simple'. says Oscar Wilde. I dont believe children having all this knowledge know what to do with it. Children are not mature enough to deal with the world's problems

Childhood is a valuable time in a person's life and should be retained for as long as possible. Even at 18 or still living under their parents roof they should be regularly reminded they are a child and must accept all their parents rules and regulations, and of course discipline. They need to be protected from the nasty things in this world and not be exposed to any of it, not even on TV.

Being made aware makes them more curious. And this notion is absurd. Children are taking drugs and having sex as young as ten. How can a child give birth to another child. How can a young mother fulfill all the needs of a baby if she hasn't developed these things herself
Don't go for the easy life and think you can leave them watching TV. make sure they have good examples around them.

Take responsibility. If your child has bad behaviour, don't blame them. You need to be a better parent.

Quote:Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.”

But this applies to parents too. We try very hard to be good parents and it can be very hard for us to please our children all the time, while we try to guide them and teach them the right way to live their lives.

“Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.”

“Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.”

The Job description of a mother

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION



This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!

POSITION :

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

I did not write this but found it somewhere. The source I can't remember



Becoming a Mum!

Who would have thought that becoming a mum would mean that I would become a permanent babysitter, a doctor, teacher, housekeeper, friend. Before I became pregnant I thought I had big responsibilities with travelling from Aberdare to Bridgend to get to college everyday. Fitting in time to socialise, babysit my siblings and study. little did I know my biggest challenge was yet to come.

It's tough being a parent because You want to bring your children up with good values and morals and to do your best by them . Parenthood is not easy - new parents have so much to learn and often lack good role models. it is so easy to forget that my words and actions have a direct impact on my children and who they will become one day.
How can I expect my children to be joyful, loving people with integrity, confidence and humility if I am not doing all I can to be that person too.

I need to try harder to be the best i can possible be so that my boys can be the best they can be.

Motherhood is tough. No pay, No days off, No training given and most of your hard work & efforts often go unappreciated & yet resignation is an impossibility!

I look at My Mother and I see My self.


I look in the mirror and what do I see? I see my mother looking back at me.



My Mother's mother dies when my mum was five.....
My mother didn't know how to give love, so when my son was born I wasn't sure if I was able to show love either.
Where was I going to learn how to give love? I Had never known it as a child myself.
You can't learn it from books. You can't grow up in a home of hostility and not reflect on it later.
Maybe I shouldn't have become a Mother. It is a major responsibility. What if I fail?.
I take that back. I should have been a parent because I want to and can give my child everything a child needs. This I believe with all my heart. But both my boys have turned away from my efforts to give them love.

   Maybe I am doing something wrong. I wish i had been taught better parenting skills and Social skills. There should be some form of education, how to convey love to a child. I didn't know how to get love as a child and so have problems giving it. I thought to be loved I had to be perfect...hence why I am a perfectionist today. I need to begin by giving love....to myself

    The first thing it can be said that a mother honestly feels in relation to herself is Self love. The child is essentially a narcissistic extension of herself. My boys used to be a part of me, and although I was separated when the cord was cut, I still see them as an extension of myself. When my eldest lad was missing for two years, I felt a part of myself was missing too. When your children are all that you hoped they would be it's easy to live up to societies injunction that I love baby as much as I do myself.

But if there is something about the baby i.e its a girl when you had your heart set on it being a boy, or if the baby is too fat or too thin, too lethargic that makes you feel less than the exaltation that you are led to expect. She must deny it. Any wound to her narcissism - that part of you where all emotions flow must be in unacknowledged, repressed, unfelt. And if post-depression enters it begins in the silence she must maintain if her child doesn't fulfill her fantasy of perfect material bliss.
     
The glorification of motherhood demands that once the child is born we are to remove autonomy over her own feelings. Being a mother seemed to be my role in life. But being a mother is scary, plus I was a young mum, naive and inexperienced.
Motherhood can be lonely. Sometimes I get angry, but fear failure. I have felt rage, anger and frustration. I so wanted to be a good mother and give  my boys a good childhood. I tried. But trying wasn't enough I still managed to fail my boys.


I grew up and decided my life wouldn't be like my mother but how wrong I was. Although I can see my mother's weaknesses in myself, I also gained my strengths from My mum's teaching's and her weaknesses. The sociological significance of the mother's role is immense: My relationship with my children and my guidance in their growing years influence the formation of values and attitudes they will carry throughout their lives. This worries me. I know that I wasn't really mature enough to be a mother and I worry if I have taught them enough about having values and hopefully a  moral conscience, a respect for society, a desire to contribute to the well-being of humankind, and, most important, a love of God and a love for self that will bring everlasting joy and inner peace.

Quote:  The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.”

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Hope

Elie Wiesel:
 I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.

Sunday, 4 October 2009

a words to describe me......PERFECTIONIST

Who am I? 

There are many words to describe who I am. Perfectionist is just one of the words to describe my personality.

I have decided to write about my internal thoughts and views that I see about myself and my world. One of my biggest problems, was being a Neurotic Perfectionist, with OCPD, and I  suffered Suicidal Depression.


Let me explain what a Perfectionist with OCPD means, and share with you my experience Of Living with this condition.

Perfectionism, in psychology, is a belief that can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable. At such levels, this is considered an unhealthy belief, and psychologists typically refer to such individuals as maladaptive perfectionists.

Hewitt, who has studied perfectionists for the past 14 years, says they fall into three main categories:

Self-oriented perfectionists, who believe they must be perfect.

Other-oriented perfectionists, who want others to be flawless.

Socially prescribed perfectionists, who feel they must be perfect because someone might be watching.

"These individuals don't have a real high regard for themselves," Hewitt says.

All three types, he says, put themselves through the same self-inflicted punishment.

"People who strive for excellence tend to experience satisfaction; people who strive for perfection tend not to."









Volunteers in Hewitt's study take a computerized test. Meanwhile, monitors watch for signs of stress.
Those who agonize over their answers long after the test is over reveal themselves as possible perfectionists.

Are you a perfectionist. Take the test to find out!
http://stress.about.com/od/selfknowledgeselftests/a/perfect_quiz.htm

My results from the perfectionist quiz.

You're A Perfectionist




You probably already know that your perfectionistic tendencies cause you stress and complicate your life in some ways, but you probably don't realize the extent of perfectionism's negative effects on your lifestyle and stress level. The resources below can explain more about perfectionism, and give you resources for changing. I highly recommend you begin the journey now. Don't worry if it takes a little time to change your patterns; any progress made can benefit you from now on!






Perfectionism is an intellectual exercise that draws attention away from emotions and prevents the you exploring your creative power.
Perfectionism is an attempt to live in an imaginary world to escape from living in the reality.
Avoidance of painful emotions generates compulsive cleaning, organising and completing task lists. (but each day you have a new task list)
It fixates your attention on how your circumstances should be and masks the feelings about how life really is.
Every ism including perfectionism is a compulsive need to control, created by fear painful emotions.
It is a search, imposed on your circumstances, yourself and others for a solution to emotions that are to painful to experience.

Perfectionism is to live in an illusory future that cannot be attained.
it is a hunger that cannot be satisfied.
A thirst that cannot be quenched.
and Pain that cannot be relieved.
It is a persistent and painful drama that lures your attention away from the real feelings that you have.


Our Perfectionism hurts others.
This is what happens. We become fixers.We try to fix everyone's problems.But all these problems weigh us down. We rob our body of energy and burn out. Our immune system breaks down and we become ill.

We need to let go of things that we have no control over..

Our perfectionism plays havoc with our children's lives.

Be a Mentor or a teacher but not a rescurer.

 I have spent most of my life chasing perfectionism. When I was young i tried to very hard to be a perfect child, to gain love and affection from mu mother. Then the perfect student, and on to be the perfect mother and then the perfect wife. Everything I did was to a standard that no one could achieve. My house was perfect, my chores were done, Leaving me time to spend with my family, time for self, time to enjoy my life. I did well on all accounts except for the perfect marriage. My husband's behaviour and my volatile attitude made sure of that. But that didn't stop me. it just meant I wasn't trying hard enough. I just had to try harder.
Eventually there came a day when the whole trip collapsed. I realized that the game was up – that despite my best efforts, I would never be perfect.

I became a Neurotic Perfectionist. I was motivated for the need for approval, by my family and friends. I was Told By a Psychiatrist that I was suffering from OCPD - Obsessive, Compulsive, Personality disorder. 

Perfectionism is a socially approved trap. It may sound reasonable to "always aim for the best," to "never settle for second place," and so on. But in the end, perfectionism is a hopeless game. It is like endlessly chasing a carrot on a stick.


On the deepest level, perfectionism is a futile search for self-worth. "If I do this one thing better," perfectionists say to themselves, "then I’ll be worthy. Then I’ll be a good person, and people will like me, love me, want me or even need me. But this is far from the truth. Doing better and being perfect does not guarantee us love, worth or anything.
 perfectionism robs you of your self worth, your peace of mind, your enjoyment of life, and self esteem.


I would willingly Submit to the wishes, expectations and demands of others. I found it impossible to say No, when asked to do something by my family and my friends.


 
Those who wrestle with perfectionism tend to have a critical voice in their head telling them their work isn’t good enough, they’re not trying hard enough, and they’re not good enough. If you’re going to overcome perfectionism, you need to work on changing this little voice! Negative self talk lowers your self esteem. Change your wording to overcome the negative self talk. Use milder words, Use positive words in replacement of negative words and change self-limiting questions to statements.

I never felt my best was good enough. I feared being judged,condemned, and abandoned. I used to think If My dad could abandon me, and stop loving me, then what chance did I have of anyone else loving me.

I became a Neurotic perfectionist due to bad parenting, emotional and mental abuse.I was brought up to appease and please others, if I wanted any love. OCPD means being personally obsessed with doing the right thing and avoiding mistakes. My life was overtaken by my compulsive cleaning and organising. My crystal and glassware had to be sparkling. My ornaments had to be symmetrical, and everything had to be in its place. I am aware that I have to work on the underlying prosses and drives, not just the symptoms..

 When I work the reasons to be perfect, and understand the process of what makes me this way, I will no longer have need for this behavior


Sources: http://www.dailyblogtips.com/perfectionism-is-bad-for-you/